Out of the Water

Does God ever blow your mind? Like blow it completely out of the water you called safe and comfortable. Because when God blows your mind, He takes your life to a whole different level. But you end up finding out that this new, risky place where you end up is exactly where you want to be. 

God has been blowing my mind recently. His goodness is abounding. I’m not saying that life has been perfect, because it is nowhere near perfect. Yet I am perfectly content with the place that I am right now. The adventure that God has been taking me on is so worth the craziness that exists alongside the ride.

God has been blessing me with an abundance of His love and generosity. I am seeing it in my friendships, my family relationships, my dance project, my youth group, even my schoolwork. He has been answering my prayers, the big ones (like the success of the “There’s No Place Like Home” dance concerts) and the small ones (like going to senior prom). 

My friend Ellie texted me yesterday full of excitement about the weekend ahead, and her excitement began to rub off on me. I suddenly began to look around at my life and see all the wonderful things that are happening. And this morning I chose to enjoy each little moment, the place that I am right now. 

I spent the morning making chocolate covered strawberries for a fundraising tea party tomorrow. While my lack of artistic ability and productivity frustrated me, I decided that it was OK to spend a morning doing something fun and creative rather than schoolwork. This afternoon I had to rush to get ready for our second dance concert, because the venue was over a half hour away. But I was able to spend the long car ride connecting with one of my best friends and laughing about the drama of senior year. The weather was absolutely beautiful today, and because our director was late, we had some extra minutes to enjoy the sunshine. 

We ran behind all night during our final dress rehearsal, as usual, but everything came together last minute, as usual. The concert went beautifully, and God once again blew my mind with his faithfulness and generosity. Afterwards I had the chance to connect with some dance alumni, who affirmed our senior vision and concert. The evening concluded with delicious late night barbecue and a car ride full of worship on the drive home. 

Yes, God is good. He continues to astound me with his blessings – the way that in the midst of stress and busyness He reminds me “I am still sovereign.” I think He likes to please His children, to take them beyond what they need sometimes and give them what they want. The success of the senior dance concert is just one evidence of this truth. We were taking a risk, but it was worth it. Our first performance alone, we raised over $2000 for Abide Family Center. We were humbled and awed, but come to think of it, that’s just in God’s nature. He often takes us through the valley so that the mountains are just that much more incredible. 

Sometimes we feel like a fish out of water, with no place to run and hide. But it’s in those risky moments, when we are fully dependent on God for life, that He tells us “I’ve got your hand. You are exactly where I want you.” The journey could not be more rewarding.

– – Phebe

Good Girl Gone

I am a good girl. Or at least I try to be. In our society, being a “good girl” often means that this person has it all together, or it appears like she does. Good grades, good reputation, good friends, etc. Adding Christian makes the connotation even worse. Being a Christian means you have to be good, right? I’ve heard people remark, “what a good, Christian girl,” about people they hardly know, all because their outside looks, well, good.

I am done trying to be good.

For Christmas, my parents gave me a book called Graceful: Letting Go of Your Try-Hard Life by Emily P. Freeman. (Disclaimer: I now want to give this book to all of my high school and college aged girl friends.) Emily is a self-proclaimed “good girl.” But in her book, she explains how the “good” is destroying the “girl.” I found myself relating with almost everything she said. I try to look perfect. I try to make high grades. I try to hang out with reputable people. Throughout the book, Emily introduces her readers to eight “good girl” personalities, each one hiding behind something different. Although I could relate with each, I identified most with the “Girl Next Door” (hiding behind her good reputation), the “Activist” (hiding behind her causes), the “Heroine” (hiding behind her strength and responsibility), and the “Judge” (hiding behind her rules).

I hear the voices in my head… You have to impress… You have to make an impact… You have to be strong, responsible… You have to be perfect…

LIES.

My identity comes from Jesus. What I believe impacts how I act. So I must believe that I am loved. I am accepted. I am secure. When I believe the truth that is so clearly displayed in Scripture, then I can live a life of grace. I can be confident. I can have peace. I can trust.

Instead of holding on to my fears, and saying, “I need to figure this out myself,” I need to recognize that Jesus is already carrying my load. Living a life of grace means that I receive His love and let Him be in control. Just like Elsa in Frozen (sorry, I had to throw this reference in somewhere), I need to let go. Stop trying so hard. Stop hiding.

I don’t need to try to be good enough, because Jesus is enough. Last night at youth group we sang, “Your grace is enough for me.” Do I believe it?

Our youth pastor, Matt, encouraged the youth to pick one word to describe how we want to live this year. Then we write that word on a card and place it somewhere we can always see it. Grace is a word that I am just beginning to understand. But God has been teaching me a lot about it recently. The theme seems to be appearing everywhere – in the songs I sing, the seminars I attend, the books I read. 2014 is the year I want to begin applying what I have learned.

Application is never easy. I will probably come back to the theme of grace a lot this year, because I constantly have to be reminded of God’s truth. But as I begin to focus my eyes on Him, the try-hard life is slowly fading…

The GRACEFUL life is rising like a bright, warm light from above.

The Art of Perfectionism

I’ve always considered myself to be a perfectionist. I tend to overanalyze things, I strive for excellence, I often get stressed over projects, etc, etc. But I had never truly considered what makes me a perfectionist. What is the defining point for someone who is a perfectionist? Is it simply the desire to be perfect?

Recently, a friend told me about a Huffington Post article that revealed to her that she was a perfectionist, although she never thought she was. Thankfully she posted the link to the article on her blog. (Read her blog here. It’s one of my favorite blogs that I follow!) I decided to take a look at the article and analyze myself. Am I a perfectionist?

I reference the article throughout the rest of the post, so check it out for yourself!

You’ve always been eager to please. Yes. While I don’t mind offending people for something I believe in, I like to avoid conflict with my friends. I live by the phrase: “I achieve, therefore I am.” More on that later…

You know your drive to perfection is hurting you, but you consider it the price you pay for success. Yup. I’ve always considered myself a perfectionist (hey, I get it genetically), and so I’ve just accepted that I’ll have to suffer through my perfectionism to get where I want to go.

You’re a big procrastinator. Not really… I tend to get things done when I say they’ll be done. Being a homeschooler, though, I am guilty of putting aside schoolwork I really don’t want to do or don’t “have time” to do. And I can relate to what the author is saying. I tend to avoid things I’m worried about failing. (Such as this one project I have… yikes! Better get on that!)

You’re highly critical of others. *Honesty alert* I tend to think the worst of people. And like I said previously, I overanalyze. I’m learning to look at things from all angles. It’s a growing process, and one that I can definitely see God working.

You go big or go home. All the time. This is why I have always struggled with art and music–I want them to be perfect. I tend to take on projects I know I can succeed, and I tend to regret taking on projects that I feel like I failed.

You have a hard time opening up to other people. No. I enjoy sharing with people and finding people whom I can relate. However, certain issues and certain people I do have a hard time sharing.

You know there’s no use crying over spilt milk… but you do anyway. Um, yes. Little mistakes often ruin my attitude. And often I have stress meltdowns over things that don’t matter in the long run. Sometimes it’s just better to let go.

You take everything personally. Unfortunately, yes I do. Well, unless it’s true sarcasm (from someone I know actually cares about me).

… And you get really defensive when criticized. Yeah, I like to defend myself when I’m wrong. Even on graded papers. I know, I need to get over that.

You’re never quite “there yet.” College applications. ‘Nuff said.

The image below makes you nervous. Absolutely! My parents have always emphasized being different than the world. And since a very young age, I have always strived for excellence. A lot of it comes from being a first born child; some comes genetically.

You take pleasure in someone else’s failure, even though it has nothing to do with you. No. I hurt for other people who have failed. I guess that’s part of being an über compassionate person. However, I do find comfort when someone else has failed in the exact same thing that I have. But I still hurt for them.

You get secretly nostalgic for your school days. Well, this doesn’t quite apply to me yet. But I’ve always enjoyed school, and I enjoy having a grade to measure my success.

You have a guilty soul. A lot of my anxiety and stress stems from the self-imposed need to be “perfect.” Guilt sets in when I can’t “measure up.”

Perfectionism = 11; Non-perfectionism = 3.

Diagnosis: I am a perfectionist.

The drive for excellence and doing our best is, however, a desire from God. We should desire to do our best in everything. Colossians 3:23 says, “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.” As God’s children, He has also created us for more. I am made for more than the things of this world. “If God is for us, who can be against us?” (Romans 8:31).

The other side to perfectionism opens up a perfect (hehe!) opportunity to talk about what God has been teaching me lately. I do not need to be perfect. The Bible never says anywhere that we need to be perfect. In fact, nowhere in the Bible does God say that he is disappointed in His children. That word just isn’t used in correlation with us. We have a misconception that God regrets making us, so we need to live up to a certain expectation. But that is a lie. Romans 6:14 says, “…you are not under the law, but under grace.” What does that mean? Simply that we do not need to live as if we’re trying to “measure up” to something. Jesus’s death on the cross took away the need to be worthy of His love and approval. I do not need to be worthy, because Jesus is worthy enough for me. 

Cling to these truths! Claim them as your own! If you’re like me, accept that God has made you to have perfectionist tendencies, but don’t let them keep you from living under the banner of grace. 

– – Phebe