God, where is the good?
Lately the cry of my heart has been for glimpses of His goodness. The past three months have been full. This summer has been the most challenging and most rewarding summer of my life. And so, fear wracked my heart as I prepared to head into a new semester. Fear that I would become stagnant. Fear that I would forget what it is like to feel alive. Fear that I would become overwhelmed and stressed and anxious all over again. Fear that I would become overly invested and wear myself out.
The past two weeks have been exactly that. I’ve felt dead inside. I’ve become overwhelmed with the constant motion of life. I’ve felt like I’m running and can’t breathe. My empathy has become toxic. I am tempted to withdraw from life.
On mornings like this morning, I am on the brink of tears from the moment I wake up. The bad seems to be overshadowing the good. Transition is hard. My friends and their families are struggling. The news headlines only project negativity. Oh God, where is the good?
And so He shows me.
He shows me good in laughter with friends, windows rolled down, and music playing loud. When we sat on the edge of a lake eating ice cream and talking about the realities of life. When we rode around a small town in the back of a pickup truck.
He shows me the good in the flowers that spring from the Earth and the changing of the leaves. When I stopped to admire the colors of fall and marveled at tiny creatures hanging from thin branches. And I realized, God cares for even the smallest of these.
He shows me the good in conversations with friends. As a good friend walks into my house and everything feels right in the world again. When that friend and I take a walk, stopping to buy expensive (organic) chocolate and reminiscing about our summers, but mostly asking each other the hard questions of life.
He shows me the good in His Word. When a speaker shares a message that shakes me to the core and I am reminded of His faithfulness. In that moment when I can’t even hear the worship band because of the voices singing loudly around me and I turn to see so many hands lifted up in praise.
He shows me the good when a friend texts me to remind me she is praying for me. And when my mom sends me Scripture on a Monday morning because she knows right where I am emotionally, and she also knows what I need.
Yes, this is the good.
I have to constantly remind myself of the good. I so easily get consumed by the realities of life. I forget that God is faithful and worthy of my trust. I forget too quickly that He has already won the ultimate victory over sin and death. And I often disregard the fact that this world and its struggles are only temporary.
Talking to a friend today, I was convicted that I so easily become worried and negative because I don’t trust that God is actually working all things out for good. When it comes down the root, I simply don’t believe that I can trust Him to handle my struggles. I focus so much on finding the next “high” and the next “good” thing that I lose sight of the fact that He is good.
So today as I carry a heart heavy from the pain of my friends and the hurt in the world, my soul whispers, show me the good… And I know He will. Because that’s just who He is. He is good.